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Encountering rejection, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. Someone is saying no, delivering a clear “Nope.” As a writer, I am no stranger to rejection. I began submitting manuscripts half a century past, right after finishing university. Over the years, I have had several works declined, along with book ideas and countless pieces. Over the past score of years, specializing in commentary, the refusals have only increased. Regularly, I receive a rejection every few days—adding up to in excess of 100 each year. Overall, rejections throughout my life exceed a thousand. At this point, I might as well have a master’s in rejection.

But, does this seem like a self-pitying rant? Absolutely not. Because, finally, at seven decades plus three, I have embraced being turned down.

In What Way Have I Managed This?

For perspective: By this stage, almost each individual and their distant cousin has said no. I’ve never tracked my success rate—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

As an illustration: lately, a newspaper editor turned down 20 pieces one after another before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 publishing houses declined my memoir proposal before one accepted it. A few years later, 25 literary agents rejected a project. A particular editor suggested that I submit potential guest essays less often.

The Phases of Setback

Starting out, every no were painful. I took them personally. I believed my writing being rejected, but who I am.

Right after a manuscript was rejected, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, disbelief. How could this happen? How could these people be ignore my talent?
• Next, refusal to accept. Certainly they rejected the incorrect submission? It has to be an administrative error.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my labours? You’re stupid and the magazine is poor. I deny your no.
• Fourth, irritation at them, followed by self-blame. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a martyr?
• Fifth, negotiating (often mixed with false hope). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I’m not talented. Worse, I can never become any good.

I experienced this for decades.

Notable Company

Of course, I was in fine fellowship. Stories of creators whose manuscripts was originally rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was first rejected. Since they did persevere, then possibly I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his school team. Many American leaders over the past six decades had previously lost elections. The filmmaker claims that his Rocky screenplay and bid to star were declined numerous times. He said rejection as an alarm to motivate me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

As time passed, when I entered my later years, I achieved the final phase of setback. Understanding. Currently, I more clearly see the many reasons why a publisher says no. For starters, an publisher may have just published a comparable article, or be planning one underway, or simply be contemplating something along the same lines for a different writer.

Or, unfortunately, my submission is of limited interest. Or the editor feels I lack the credentials or stature to be suitable. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the work I am submitting. Or was busy and read my piece hastily to appreciate its quality.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Anything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Some reasons for rejection are permanently beyond your control.

Manageable Factors

Others are within it. Honestly, my proposals may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and appeal, or the idea I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe something about my grammar, particularly commas, was offensive.

The key is that, in spite of all my years of exertion and rejection, I have managed to get widely published. I’ve written multiple works—the initial one when I was middle-aged, my second, a memoir, at 65—and more than 1,000 articles. My writings have appeared in publications big and little, in local, national and global outlets. My first op-ed was published decades ago—and I have now contributed to that publication for five decades.

However, no major hits, no signings in bookshops, no appearances on TV programs, no presentations, no prizes, no big awards, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can more easily accept rejection at 73, because my, admittedly modest successes have softened the stings of my many rejections. I can choose to be philosophical about it all at this point.

Valuable Rejection

Rejection can be instructive, but only if you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. Otherwise, you will likely just keep seeing denial all wrong. What teachings have I gained?

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